And Tonight - I SLEEP! (I hope)

And Tonight - I SLEEP! (I hope)

 

Monday May 22, 2006

 

Tonight will be my first night with a CPAP machine.

 

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What Is Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP)? 

Nasal CPAP delivers air into your airway through a specially designed nasal mask or pillows. The mask does not breathe for you; the flow of air creates enough pressure when you inhale to keep your airway open. CPAP is considered the most effective nonsurgical treatment for the alleviation of snoring and obstructive sleep apnea.

If your otolaryngologist determines that the CPAP treatment is right for you, you will be required to wear the nasal mask every night. During this treatment, you may have to undertake a significant change in lifestyle. That change could consist of losing weight, quitting smoking, or adopting a new exercise regimen.

http://www.entnet.org/healthinfo/snoring/cpap.cfm

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To test me on this CPAP machine, I get to spend a night at the hospital's sleep clinic.

The brochures say that sleep clinics study and measure  HOW WELL you sleep, but in my opinion, they measure HOW BAD you sleep.

 

Here is how the process works:

 

First Doctor's appointment-

Two cute receptionists give you a survey to fill out. This questionnaire has over 50 questions with rankings from good to bad, never to frequent. You meet the doctor and does some simple breathing tests, checks your nose and throat and asks you a few questions about your sleep habits and your health. My FAVORITE question- WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GAIN ALL THIS WEIGHT?  Um, gee, I thought it would be fun. ARRRRGH, I felt like taking the sample CPAP machine and whopping the doctor with it, but I restrained myself. The doctor then schedules you for an overnight SLEEP TEST.

 

The Test-

You are given some instructions, and asked to be at the sleep center by 8 PM that evening. You are also instructed to wear "GENDER FRIENDLY CLOTHING".  Apparently this is due to some people sleepwalking. When I arrived I saw a red headed pony tailed nurse's scrubs wearing person bouncing down the hall, taking the other patient to their room. As the nurse's scrubs are pretty formless, I am just hoping that my technician is a hot red head. NOPE. Jeff the Hippy Dude is my technician. But he does have a beautiful red ponytail. Later while he is getting me prepped, I ask him what he does for dinner at 2 o'clock in the morning- he can't leave us. he says "HOTPOCKETS". So, yup, he is a hippy, Hot Pockets are the universal slacker and stoner food. 

 

I usually sleep in boxers and perhaps socks. But as I am to wear "Gender Friendly Clothing", I have a T shirt and short sweat pants type gym trunks on. As a joke, I wore my BUBBA T Shirt that says "Just because I slept with you last night, what makes you think I'm gonna ride with you today." But as  neither of the cute girls from the first appointment was my technician, the joke fell flat.

 

The test includes you getting wired up. A wire on each leg, a strap around your chest, two on your shoulder and five on your brain and a few on your cheeks. Since I have a beard, they wanted me to shave it off- NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Technician Jeff chews gum and says "Dude" a lot while he wires you up and puts "Electrochemical gel" on your face and head to make the electrodes stick.

 

After getting wired, they ask you to blink, close eyes and turn eyes left and right, move left leg, move right leg. 

 

Then YOU SLEEP! Yeah, right.   

 

Well, somehow in 7 1/2 hours between when they told me to go to sleep and when they woke me up, I got nearly 6 hours of "sleep." I even got 18 minutes of REM sleep. But I woke up 369 times. Yup, THREE HUNDRED SIXTY NINE. 369. The tests show Shallow Breathing and a collapsing airway. So, basically, I fall asleep, breath for less than a minute, my airway collapses in my throat and choke and wake up. REPEAT 368 more times.

 

No wonder I feel like crap and have migraines so many mornings.

 

After you wake up, they ask you to fill out a survey and then you go home. Seven showers later, I have shampooed out all of the "Electrochemical gel" from my hair and beard.

 

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Doctor appointment #2-

 

Your tests are reviewed, and you get your scores. The doctor tells me the above numbers and also says that my BLOOD OXYGEN LEVEL was in the SEVERE TO DANGEROUS category when I woke up. The solution- a CPAP. He says that within 10-14 nights of sleeping with the CPAP, that I will feel much better, and actually have energy in the afternoon. If I follow the directions and use it properly.

 

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So tonight is Sleep Test #2- CPAP NIGHT #1.

 

Wish me luck.

 

JC