Bubba's closet

Saturday, April 29, 2006 11:16 PM

 

My buddy Bubba is moving this weekend. When he cleaned out his closet, he had some thoughts. I'm keeping them private, but here was my response:

 

Bubba-

 

All I can say is WOW.

 

I would have called but I know you are moving to Chateau Bubba #2 this weekend.  Also, my throat is still not quite back to full steam after the hiatal hernia biopsies last week. I went to a birthday party tonight and talked to friends, but after three hours I am now pretty much down to a growly whisper. Hopefully by work Monday I'll have my voice back. I'm still on soft foods. I was planning on having a pork chop for dinner tomorrow, but I may be going back to soup.

 

---

 

I've not really thought of my closet as a metaphor before. But looking in there is like looking at a sad time machine.  Most of the stuff in the closet does not fit, but I kept the stuff.....hoping. But doubting I'd ever wear it again. Shirts, numerous bike jerseys, a few pants (I usually wear out the back pocket and convert them to yard work pants before tossing them- so not too many pants except for  a few 42s that I bought hoping I'd not get bigger. )

 

I've gone and looked at my closet a number of times over the last two months since we started talking about this. There is one shirt from 2001 that I truly miss, A Cincinnati Reds Hawaiian shirt.  And after even more time travel there are sweatshirts that have not seen the light of day on me in decades. Many a girlfriend has curled up in them, but not me in this century. I'm looking for the day the Reds shirt and the Elvis shirt you bought me see the light of day, and have a smiling ME in them.

 

Since talking to the shrink Tuesday, I've been thinking more an more about the psychological aspect . I did have a nightmare a few nights ago and in it I woke up sobbing and trying to rip the LB out. Sort of a Scanners scary sci fi kind of dream. I woke up scared to death from that one. It was a dream where you thought you woke up, but actually were still asleep and still dreaming. Yikes. But I've also thought about the old me, and some of him disappearing, and what the new me might be. Your email was like reading my mind this afternoon. WOW.

 

Right now I am the FAT HAPPY GUY to others. Happy on the outside, but not really letting anybody in too much on the inside. The "Classic Reflex" they called it on TV this week. Make them laugh with you before they can laugh AT YOU. I guess I've been doing that for 35 years now, since second or third grade.

 

I've been thinking more and more about what life will be like smaller. That "Big John - One Year Later" TV show definitely made me think. At six months, he was still sitting on the sidelines watching. But, after a year, he was on a skateboard riding down the hill from the water tower to the Central Trust parking garage.

 

Twenty years ago- I lived in a crappy apartment right by that same water tower in Bowling Green. I was fat that last year of college and could not walk up the steps to the water tower. Looked at it, but never did it. Saw it every day. I'm adding to my list of things to do in the 21st century- Walk up the hill to that water tower! I also never walked down the same hill to Fountain Square in Bowling Green. I knew I couldn't get back up the hill. Sounds like a day trip next year.

 

The water tower was even in a favorite song from college- http://www.tommywomack.com/?page_id=17 

 

I've attached the MP3- enjoy.

 

I've also been thinking of how folks gave you larger servings in Louisiana as well as how folks do the same here to me. I had not really noticed it before. Thursday night I had dinner at a friends home, and she serves me TWO huge burritos. One would have been plenty. Tonight at the birthday party we had pulled pork BBQ, and the hostess makes me TWO, whereas for most folks - they got one. She also walked outside and delivered me a piece of birthday cake. I was planning on skipping it. I searched outside and found the sturdiest picnic table to sit on tonight. Then I could barely fit when I sat. I ended up sitting sideways, one leg under, one leg out. Damn frustrating what I've got myself into.

 

Folks are asking me why I'm not riding this year. I lie and say it is due to a bum knee (which if I weighed 50-100 less would not be so bum). I can't just say that I got too fat, my BP is in the danger zone and I'd probably fall over and die if I climbed a hill now. I miss biking. I miss being able to bend over and get something off the floor when it drops. I pumped my tenant's kid's bike up Today. I dropped the valve cover. Could barely reach it when bending over. I had the kid get it off the ground. Last year I could barely ride and this year I know I can't. To quote John Lennon, "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round". Damn aggravating I did this to myself.

 

Well,  Tuesday I hopefully find out when this happens. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm mad at myself and I want my life back. We'll see what the doctor says and if he give me a date. If I have a voice, I'll call right after, if not, check your email Tuesday night.

 

Well, thanks for listening, and Bubba's friend John, thanks for listening too.

 

JC