The CRASH Diet

The Crash Diet

 

Thursday December 21, 2006 to Wednesday December 27, 2006

 

Well, in my continuing search for new and creative ways to lose weight, I've come up with a new diet -with an old name. THE CRASH DIET.

 

No, this is not your standard crash diet, the one we are all familiar with. This one is a little more expensive and a little more painful. But quite effective!

 

Step 1: Run out of an ingredient for the Christmas Pies that you are baking. In this example it was SPLENDA (because you can borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbor, but just try to borrow a cup of Splenda - Good luck with that!) 

 

Step 2: Drive to Kroger in the rain.

 

Step 3: Avoid being hit by a car that is zipping sideways across the Kroger parking lot.

 

Step 4: Crash your car into a light pole during said avoidment. 

 

Step 4A: (optional) Break a bone in your hand while crashing into said light pole. Note, being a male bachelor, and despite seeing Dr. C a bunch of times this year, I STILL don't go to the doctor as I should. So, the break is just presumed, with no X rays - but 6 days later it still hurts and is puffy and bruised and I have very little grip and  yes I am being a terribly whiny patient. 

 

Step 5: Begin the insurance stuff to obtain new bumper, grill, headlights, hood and radiator, and hope that since the air bags did not go off that you don't have them total the car as you spent $16,500 on a LapBand and that expense means you were planning on waiting on getting a new car for a few more years.. (Gee, I love run on sentences)

 

Step 6: Be Grumpy with your self and then not eat much. Skip Thursday's dinner, Friday's breakfast and most of lunch. (this would be the CRASH DIET!)

 

Step 7: Christmas continues, but all your gifts are wrapped much worse than normal - as you've got a broken hand! 

 

Step 8: Repeat the story to folks you know, as they really do care about you, despite their rolling their eyes at you and thinking you a non com poop for hitting a light pole in a parking lot. 

 

Step 9: Enjoy Christmas with family, because you can! Remember how much better you feel, despite the hand, and enjoy the time with the last few relatives that have not seen you, as well as the other relatives that now are seeing  you in size 44 instead of the size 46 pants you had on at Turkey Day!

 

So, all in all, despite eating pretty much everything I saw (Again at 1/3 to 1/2 of what I used to) and that everything included cookies, jam cake, and custard, I STILL LOST WEIGHT!  In fact I lost one more pound since two weeks ago.

 

285. 84 down  45 to go!