To Tell or Not To Tell- That is Today's Question

Thursday October 12, 2006

I'm going down to Louisville this weekend and will be seeing family and friends for the first time in a while. A few saw me 3 weeks post op, but the rest last saw me at Father's Day. So, there will be a Minus 66 pound surprise. But it does bring us " To Tell or Not To Tell- That is Today's Question"

And, then as I am thinking about To Tell or Not To Tell, the question does come up in an email from my sister.

I commented to my sister in law that you had lost 66 pounds. She was very excited for you and wanted to know how you did it. I told her you had some hiatal hernia surgery and had been dieting.

Are you telling people about the LapBand? I don't think they will care- I actually think they will think you are brave for trying it.

Just wanted to know what to do. I had told Lisa this summer before you told me not to tell anyone but she has not told anyone and knows not to.

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My response-

Interesting question

I've still told no one in Cincinnati outside of Kim Kevin and Erica.

Many people from the hospital know, and a few of them know folks that I know. So I am expecting someone to blab someday. One lady from Deaconess works with a woman with a beautiful smile that I know. I've had to ask her many many times to not tell our mutual friend. Kim has had to kick Kevin under the table a number of times when he starts to blab. Erica has been wonderful and supportive about the choice.

I'm not proud that I did this, but I do think it saved my life and gave me another 20 years to enjoy things. I never would have had the opportunity to ride a bike with my 7 year old niece had I not done this. I think I was just waiting to die. Now I am excited about all the things I get to enjoy in life again.

It has been so strange to not feel hungry in three months. The biggest hurdle I am now facing is mental. When bored, I used to eat. Many places I go, people have snacks and candy and stuff that I don't need. Every time I walk to our copier, a woman has a spread of cookies, candy and stuff that I just don't need. She replenishes it every day. I've found that if I just drink something, I will take the fake hunger feeling away. So I drink probably twice as much as a normal human.

I am still just telling people now that I am working with a dietician and giving her weekly a list of what and when I eat, then we meet every two weeks. Which is true, but very incomplete.

My Primary Care Physician thought I made a good choice, as he was terribly worried. He was not allowed by my health care provider to bring up the subject, but once I asked him, he was legally allowed to discuss it. But he retired and his replacement is not so supportive. "Why would you do that?". Dr. Curry knows the new PCP and had a not so friendly chat with him over this.

A great recurring fear is having someone find out and ask in front of a group of others why I did this. But now as people are noticing, it is getting tougher and tougher to not be asked. 66 down in 3 months is a lot. But on the other side, if I tell someone one on one, maybe that won't be a fear I need to face.

And with my only going back to Louisville occasionally, the differences will be seen as greater. Folks around here see great differences from week to week. It has been 10 weeks since I was last in Louisville.

Thus

the change is more noticeable.

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So, do you think if you tell her that I would have the "So, how's the LapBand?" question in front of a group?

I don't like lying to folks, but a tremendous number of my friends have let me down over the last few years. So, I don't share as much of my life as I used to.

Your call. If you think it would go OK, then send her an email and the link to the blog, or just forward this email.

http://lapbandbyjc.blogspot.com/

It would be nice to have another person in my corner. And I do like her, she makes a nice sister in law (or would that be sister in law in law?).

She welcomes me to her home. She has been nothing but nice and supportive to me in all my adventures these last 15 years or so. I still think you lucked out with the whole clan you picked up.

Give it thought. If she does have any questions, then I would just ask that they be solo not group questions.

JC

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We can just tell people you are working with a dietician for right now.

I can tell everyone later on and in a smaller setting so you don't have to explain the whole medical procedure to them. Like I said I don't think it will be a big deal to them but you never know in a big setting.